“space” c.tiana madison
http://wefeelunreal.tumblr.com/

“phantom” c.tiana madison
http://feelunreal.co.nr

c. tiana madison
[school boy]

c.tiana madison
[don’t fall]

-i just wanted to come clean and make it real. some of my friends still don’t know just how bad things were back then. this picture was taken on a cell phone during some of my last days in florida. i had an addiction to muscle relaxers that summer in florida and for a while after i came home. i can’t say exactly what started it all. my physical pain, my “broken heart”, or the fact that i just couldn’t handle what it did to my family and friends to have left them to live with my mother a thousand miles away. i don’t know, but i remember the day it began. i went and sat down in my closet and looked at the 3 or 4 bottles of relaxers that were prescribed to me months ago by an irresponsible doctor. i had tried them for my pain, and they always just put me to sleep, but i was bored, and i hadn’t made any friends in school yet. so i woke up early, made myself a lot of coffee, and took 3 pills of which ever one i thought would be the most fun. when i got on the bus, i was high as a kite, but by first period i was out cold. i was unable to walk and i was pretty incoherent. so i was brought home by the middle of 3rd period. i slept for 6 hours when i got home. when i came out of it, i decided i wouldn’t try that again, but when school ended a week later, there was nothing better to do but smoke cigarettes and walk around so why be sober? i learned that i had upped my tolerance and that if i drank an energy drink or 2 when i took the pills i could be high and awake. this also began my dependence on caffeine (not a huge deal, but it was there). i started making friends though, and i started drinking heavily again. i had only been drinking for about a year, but in that year i had become a lush, and the only thing keeping me from continuing that was the lack of friends, but i made plenty, and almost all of them drank and partied. hard. so there i was on 4th of july, and my favorite drug had been in use for about a month or so, and i was high then as ever. we got left on the beach for the day, with no ride until late. my friends and i figured it would be a good idea to hey-mister people on the beach, but found that there was no booze there. none. so we climbed mile long this bridge back into the heart of clearwater. i was messed up already and the fireworks were shooting off above us. it was perfect. that’s how i felt. we made it to a 711, and couldn’t find anyone to buy us liquor. my friend devon made a few calls, and we made it to a party, where i met the majority of the people i called my friends there. i drank, a lot, smoked some weed, all on top of the pills, and spent the night talking to scooby, the host’s dog. more and more i drank with these pills. more and more i secluded myself at these events and wondered why i even partied. i ended up crying in bathrooms. stumbling through the streets and laying in the back seat of cars where the drivers where just as drunk as i was. soon though, i partied less, every weekend, but i often gave of opportunities to hang out with friends, so that i could get high by myself. ride my bike around, listen to music, and then go pass out on my bed room floor. my mom never took notice to any of this. i don’t know how, but i was sneaky anyways. i never fell in love there. i never fell out of love with my ex while i was there. i was sick. when i came home i continued the pills and would lock myself in my room and write in my journal until bed time. i didn’t stop until i found michael. my boyfriend now. i had gotten over my ex, and had run out of pills anyways. it was time to move on, but it was hard. i guess i didn’t have so much of a physical addition as an emotional one. muscle relaxers aren’t hard drugs. they aren’t the worst thing i could have been doing, but recently i’ve read up on people dying from them, heard horror stories. my bestfriend told me plenty of times how dangerous it was to have been mixing alcohol with my pills, and that my heart could have stopped if it weren’t for the amount of caffeine i had been consuming. maybe even i still don’t realize how serious this was, but i’ll never go back.

c. tiana madison
[skinwalker]
-self

c. tiana madison
[degas destruction]
-first real attempt at a photo manipulation. done a long time ago.

c. tiana madison
[time ago]

c. tiana madison
[vibrance]

-i made this shirt. my first stencil ever. i added some acrylics to it for some pizazz.

c. tiana madison
[gender]

c. tiana madison
[in hiding]

c. tiana madison
[downhill]

c. tiana madison
[mirrors]